The escalators are getting restless. And hungry.

And they like their meat well-aged —

Rate Of Escalator Injuries To Older Adults Has Doubled

“What really surprised us was the reckless behavior exhibited by some older adults on escalators,” said Dr. Steele, associate professor of epidemiology in the IU School of Medicine’s Department of Public Health. “One emergency department reported a fall by an escalator rider who attempted to squeeze past an individual in a wheelchair and the individual’s attendant who were also on the escalator. Obviously, the wheelchair should not have been on the moving stairs. And of course the injured individual should not have attempted to beat them down the stairs.”

But oh no! The study authors advocate standing still on escalators, a practice which all right-thinking people abhor:

“Older adults, especially those with mobility, balance or vision problems, should use caution while riding an escalator and especially when stepping on or off. They should not try to walk up or down a moving escalator, carry large objects, or wear loose shoes or clothing while riding since these appear to be associated with an increased risk of falling,” said Dr. O’Neil, associate professor of clinical pediatrics at the IU School of Medicine.

More sensibly, they also recommend the use of elevators if one is mobility- or vision-limited.